WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!!
Please allow me to share our story so far and get everyone up to date on all the Lord has been doing these past few months. I guess I will start from the beginning and share with you this journey.
Matthew and I decided before we got married that we wanted to spend at least a couple years together alone before starting a family. Of course we knew that the Lord might have other plans in store for us and a baby would always be exciting and welcome news. Well our first year of marriage was spent working and finishing up my nursing prerequisites. I was excepted into nursing school our second year of marriage and graduated last June (2009). We both agreed that trying to start a family in the middle of school was foolish and so we waited to have the "serious" talk until graduation. Upon having the "talk" we thought it might be best to get at least one year of nursing under my belt before leaving it behind for motherhood. And so it was decided that the Gault's would start trying this summer.
Fast forward to June and July 2010. We spent three weeks of vacation in Ecuador and Florida. Pretty much the whole time we were sick and it was the Lords blessing upon our baby that we did not conceive the first month we tried. We "got serious" in July. A dear friend of mine told me that when they were trying to get pregnant she would pray after each attempt. I felt like that was a wonderful idea and so I did the same thing. My prayers would start out something like this, " Dear Father, I pray that...." and then the most incredible thing would happen. I would always want to say "if you desire us to be pregnant," but I never could get the word if out of my mouth or head. The Lord was changing my word to," this baby would...." The Lord already knew what He was forming and wanted me to pray specifically.
So I decided to wait until I was a couple days late to take the pregnancy test. I hid the cup of pee from Matthew until he left for work and then I got out the test and set the timer for 3 minutes. I decided to make the bed while I waited. Well the timer went off and I said a quick prayer asking the Lord to help me not be disappointed if the test was negative. Yes, I know I was doubting what the Lord was already telling me.
Two lines were there and I immediately started to cry and jump for joy at the same time. Then my thoughts went to how to tell Matthew :-). I headed to Target and bought two little outfits. Each one mentioned Daddy. I wrapped them up and gave the gift to Matthew when I got home from work. I told him the gift was an early anniversary present and of course he wanted to wait until our actual anniversary to open it. Finally I told him he had to open it now!!! He was pretty excited to say the least.
I wish I could say that since then things have been easy and that I have felt joyous and peaceful. Instead I will admit that I was plagued with thoughts about miscarriage or abnormal problems for a long time. At 5 weeks I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst which they first thought might have been an ectopic pregnancy. Then I was overly concerned about all the little feelings and changes that take place as your baby is growing. I was literally consumed with worry. I wallowed in my worry for about a month and then the Lord opened my eyes to this truth. This baby is not my own, it is His and He has specific plans for them. I realized that if I didn't learn to give this child over to the Lord now, how would I ever be able to once the child was in my arms and under my direct care. Unfortunately this will probably be a lifelong battle for me. Learning to give my worry over to the Lord and realizing that this child is His alone. The future is uncertain for all of us. The Lord could call us home at any moment. He might still call this baby home before we get a chance to hold him/her in our arms but I know that the Lords plans are better than mine. Each day is a blessing and I am so blessed to be given this gift of motherhood!!!!
So this is my long( hopefully not to boring) story. I will keep you all updated as the months go by.
